Some Love Story Are Just Tragic

​”You were my little baby girl

And I knew all your fears

Such joy to hold you in my arms

And kiss away your tears

But now you’re gone

There’s only pain

And nothing I can do

And I don’t want to live this life

If I can’t live for you.

– Sid Vicious’ poem, ‘Nancy’


Impact, not Social Norm, that Drives People

So I was watching a Tedx Talk that said, the most effective way to tell people to do things is to say that that thing is a social norm, that many other people do that too. Like for example in the Talk, how in hotel room, saying  “Other guests reuse their towel” is more effective rather than saying “Reuse the towel to protect environment” to make people reuse their towel.

I don’t know, for me the saving environment thingy is more likely make me reuse the towel. And the reason it doesn’t take effect on some (or most, according to her) people is that maybe people don’t see that their act will really making effect. People don’t see reusing their towel will really protect the environment.

Like on telling people to not litter case. I think people don’t litter simply because other people litters, but because If they don’t litter, it will still dirty anyway because other people still do. And people only  use majority behavior simply as justifications of their action. I find it unlikely that people will litter in a clean environment.

Why showing that it will take effect will work, take her example about how a water leak in your pipe. It can cost you money if it don’t fix. It will be effective if you show the effect that if they fix it, their water bill will reduce. Not because people hate losing as she point out (I mean, yeah, that, too) but it is more because people can see the impact of the told action. That is what will make people do it. And I’m agreeing to her point about personalized your statement but not for the things she point out, but because the impact people care the most is the impact to themselves.

I quite agree with few of her points, only not agree with what the conclusion is being “promoting things as social norm for it to be followed” but more like “showing that the action, the thing that you tell them to do, will take effect”. But of course, if things are “social norm” it is more likely to take effect. If you break social norm, it will have impact on you. People wouldn’t want that.

It may seems like I’m saying the same thing as she is, but the base that I’m using is different so it make all the difference.

Let’s go back to the the first example I wrote above as been said by her:

Saying  “Other guests reuse their towel” is more effective rather than saying “Reuse the towel to protect environment” to make people reuse their towel.

In this case, if you’re not reuse your towel, you will not suffering the impact of breaking “social norm” because you’re doing it in the private-ness of your hotel room. Thus saying “Other guests reuse their towel” will be as ineffective as saying “Reuse the towel to protect environment”. And I don’t believe her saying that it is more effective because she doesn’t prove her statistic in a more mathematical manners. I say the most effective way of saying it would be “We will not change your towel so please do reuse it”, that way people will see the impact of their action (of not reusing the towel) and definitely will follow.

I was going to make a long post to explain my point but I’m just too lazy. I mean, it’s 3 AM in the morning and I don’t even know why I’m writing this to begin with.

Impostor Syndrome

On today’s episode of
“Am I A Fraud or A Prodigy at Work?”

A project is being handed to you, it’s new, it’s exciting, and little did you know that project will define your entire career.
That project is being associated to you as a person, so that no matter in what division you move to, it follows you.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, this project is kept rolling and rolling, phase after phase, and getting more and more attention from the management.
Deep in your heart you knew someone else is more capable and suitable to lead that project, but it was handed to you first so its yours. All the next phase is yours.
You are grateful, because this is your chance to be a rising star. But secretly, you are afraid people will find out that you’re stupid.
Then you start to wonder whether the bosses overestimate you or that you’ve been underestimating yourself.
You start getting high KPIs, but you can’t lie to yourself that most of your time you spent by being lazy and idle.

Apparently this is pretty common and even has a name. Stupid of me to think I might be the only one feeling it. It’s called Impostor Syndrome.

Oh what a relief. A negative voice in my head had a name #impostorsyndrome

Remember the Money that Make Us All Feel Small?

Today a bunch of relatives came. Talk, laugh, friendly argument, and they headed home after a few hours, but not before they thrusted few hundred thousands rupiah onto my father’s refusing arm. And the old man break into tears.

Honestly – though I know it may sounds cruel coming from a daughter’s mouth – him crying is hardly a rare sight. He cried every now and then, from self-pity more often then not, blaming everyone but himself and take all the misery credit for himself.

I can’t really see us, our condition, as pitiful. Sure we don’t have car nor house here in Jakarta, but it could have been worse, right? At least I have a job that paid well, at least my brother finished his study early and landed a job that can at least pay for himself, at least my sister is smart enough to get into free public school and even came 3rd in her class, at least the family is all together under one roof, no?

Apparently not. Just a few weeks ago in one of his anger outburst -and crying, see- he said that he is damned to be near us when he is this poor. Damned? DAMNED? It’s not like we ask for it too, you know!

Sure he doesn’t mean it. What’s that matter?The words is out and it hurts.

We never complain once, he should be thankful. All these was due to his poor judgement and ambition towards power. It’s because of him and him only that he and my mom was driven out from their own hometown and can’t even go back. It’s all him that we have to live like nomaden here in Jakarta these past 3 years. It’s all him that my mother has to work her ass off in her old days as a caterer while he’s laying around all day, daydreaming about power and faking about being a spiritual person.

Trust me I know what I’m saying when I told you his new found spiritualism is bullshit. He always hates spiritual people.

Were he thinking about us, about our well-being, when he made that judgement, that decision? I bet he didn’t.

He never once credited my contribution to this family either. Do I want to be credited? I don’t know. But the fact that he never did make me feel like it is casual that I suddenly become the backbone of this family’s economic needs. It angered me that he put this burden on my back and never even say anything about it. Of course saying something is like admiting he received help and god knows that will kill him.

His words to me after receiving those money though, was “I hope it was you that giving me these money” and I can’t bit back a retort “It’s not like I never give you any, I give money every month” to help pay rent, electricity, even groceries. His words just feels like he dismiss all that. As if I never help at all. I know he’s not meant it to be mean or what, he’s just lack of tact towards other people’s feeling. Or maybe that little girl -the one who longing for her father’s approval, the one who although always better, will always be less loved than his brother, probably because she’s a girl. That one girl that came first on Karate tournament only to find her father’s disappointed face because her brother didn’t make it, even though she did*- maybe that little girl is still in me, somewhere. Or maybe I am just being too sensitive.

Because to be honest, that money hurts me as much as it hurts him.

For the first time I see what they must have seen. My father the almighty, now is just poor old man living in regrets. It is sadden me and angered me at the same time. It makes me sad because how could I let that happen to my father? To our family? And it angered me because, how dare he become weak and pitiful?

And for the first time in 3 years, I’m crying over our poverty.

*Funny story about me, my brother and father.

My father constant disappointment towards my brother make him hate father. Because whatever he acchieved will just never be enough to him.

My father constant disappointment towards my brother make me hate father. Because whatever I acchieved will just never be matters to him.

Gimme A Shot

Di rumah lagi kedatangan si Gundud. Seperti biasa serumah pasti heboh, apalagi Mama. Mana emang dasar si Gundud anaknya manja, cepet banget nemplok sama orang, huhu lucunyaa *peyuk*
Bikin pengen punya, ga sih?


Jadi tuh ada 2 akun yang suka gue stalk masalah parenting. Yang pertama adalah blogspotnya Rismimut: Soentjes. Dan yang kedua adalah akun instagramnya Mama Kirana: @RetnoHening.
Rismimut tuh ibu bekerja, punya 2 anak lucu dan suka share value apa aja yang dia pengen tanamin ke anaknya dan gimana rungsing -tapi seru- juggling antara kerjaan ngurus perusahaan startup, ngurus rumah dan anak, dan bahkan at some point, sembari S2. Gile gile.
Kalo mba Retno adalah stay-at-home Mom yang tinggal overseas. Serunya liat berbagai metode untuk ngajarin anak gerak motorik halus dan kasar, sorting, membedakan warna dan problem solving sembari bermain. Bener bener kaya temen mainnya Kirana.
Life gets pretty boring lately. Gue jadi suka mbolos kantor dan memilih kerja dari rumah dan pura pura ada di kantor, not that anyone notice, mph. Bosaaaan. Kerjaan pretty much the same. I hangout with the same people – they even getting less and less. I work on the same project for 2 years already.
I want many things in life. I want to travel overseas, mau beli mobil matic, mau punya rumah sendiri yang bisa gue decor dengan gaya chic ala ala, mau cari beasiswa MBA overseas, but above all, I want MY shot at that, you know, raising and shaping the little people into people.
Mana temen temen yang nikah udah mulai pada buntiang kan. Bentar lagi little people will come out of their belly and I want one too. One that I could teach this and that, someone to pass down my values.
Entah kapan mulainya, padahal dulu kalo liat temen gue yang udah punya anak rasanya kasian, ibu ibu banget, sementara gue masih gadis bisa haha hihi dandan cantik belanja suka suka. Sekarang malah pengen, lah.
Mungkin gue butuh next milestone to achieve aja kali ya. Semenjak milestone terakhir hidup gue, secure permanent position at this biggest operator in Indonesia a year ago, I haven’t achieve anything else yet. I mean sure, I got highest KPI within 2 consecutive semesters -that’s like always, since I only been here for 2+ semester – but it’s not like I can get promotion in the near time, not until at least 2 more years – company policy. Could I be less excited with career-related achievement?
I also want a master degree, but, should I postpone until after I get married?
Punya anak seems like a harder thing to achieve compare to two others I just mentioned ya, haha, ga tau kenapa maunya yang itu. Mungkin juga karena ngeliat si gundut tetep aja lengkeet banget sama mamanya meskipun kita semua setuju mamanya gundud super ngaco ngajarin anaknya, hahaha. I want those teary cute eyes looking at me adorably too.
Meskipun di sisi lain gue suka males disuruh pacaran lagi, ih rasanya belom siap mulai yang baru. Terus juga kalo dipikir pikir ga siap juga gave up my current life style yang sekarangan ini udah mulai mengarah ke ngaco. Yah ga tau deh. Ga jelas juga maunya apa.