The Maleficent in Me

Maleficent1-665x385“For me, let’s just say I know how it feels to trust someone so much, and to have it smashed back into your face, destroying you. Having your “wings” ripped right out of your back. That you become so cold, you shut everyone out of your life.
 I know how it feels to be used by someone who later decides to take advantage of you. To be lied to. To be in the shadows and watch the person who hurt you find his/her own happiness. And knowing that they found it by knowingly hurting you. To be so engulfed in hate and anger that it changes you.
This movie is  inspiring because instead of becoming a depressed puddle of tears, she became powerful. She fought for her justice. It also shows that as dark  and evil a person could seem, there will always be a sparkle of hope and good in someone. I’ve always believed in this. I feel like it’s so easy to be an angry hateful person, but to be forgiving and loving takes more courage and strength. It also benefits your soul forever too. It’s okay to feel angry, but don’t let it consume you.”
I actually stumbled across this blog when I search for hair tutorial to make my Maleficent hair. Hell, this paragraphs of Maleficent perfectly describe my feeling about my recent broke up.
I feel so related to Maleficent, lately.
I remember what Devid said during one of my many crying sessions with him. It was actually around the time he teasing me about going to watch Maleficent movie, how he said I shouldn’t watch it because one of the character’s name happened to be exactly the same with that biatch my ex cheated on me with. He said, “You know, you’re a lot like Maleficent. People say you’re the evil one, because let’s face it, you have that evil quality. But actually it is you who are the victim.”
And then there is this thing when this supposedly very good friend of mine – we’ll just call her, the Girl – went out with this guy that I’ve been telling her for years that like so much for years – we’ll call him the Guy – It was a fiasco.
Well it ended up well. I’m in a perfectly good term with the Girl, and in a completely great term with the Guy. But hell, in the end this Girl was like crying and all, because it doesn’t worked really well between them. Well, the Guy value me as a friend way more (this is what he said, not my self proclaim) and ended things with her. I mean, I give them blessing and all and hold all my feelings inside. But I can see that the Guy notice that I kinda withdrawing myself from him, a little. I mean, how can I not? It’s obvious that the Girl resent me so much when I still hung out with the Guy. Well, she’s a little bit greedy when it comes to men. It’s not just my negative sentiment, it’s a quite popular opinion because apparently it’s not her first case. She’s a good person though if not so much a good friend, despite all that. Why would I befriended her, other wise?
In the end, she’s crying. I’m not. No, that was a lie. I did cry. But not that anyone else knows of. I kept things for myself. I mean, it was harder for me, no? The guy that I like went out with my friend, for crying out loud! But I’m a women of such ego I give them blessing instead. Because bitching about it is embarrassing for me. I would never admit that it actually hurt me. Not to her at least. I’ll be damned if I ever confronted her with it. I never enjoy playing victim.
I was almost came out as the bad guy –since the Girl cry and all– but lucky for me everybody knows how much I like this guy – because, fvck, apparently I already told everyone this for years! ahaha – so well, they silently judging her and sided with me as to not hurt the girl’s feeling. Because she’s such a sweet and gentle person (man greediness aside, still), and a bit of a cry baby so everyone kinda tiptoed around her feeling.
At times I feel jealous. No one really cautious about my feeling that much. I always have this tough exterior. I crumbled inside.
This one girl even actually pity that biatch my ex cheated on me with! I mean, what the f! Because apparently she’s been crying around telling people that others has been hard on them two. This one girl – my boarding-housemate – even slap that biatch for no apparent reason, haha – serve you right, biatch! But I never touch her, not a single hair. That’s not how I roll, no no no. But the ex, well, that’s a different story.
I hate those people who loves to play victims.
Just because I don’t cry often doesn’t mean I’m not hurt.
Just because you’re such a spoil little brat doesn’t make me a villain.
It is because I’m tougher than you will ever be.
It is because you’re not on the same level as me.
You never have and never will.
I have an ego so high I tend to say things that appear to be mean, to cover up sadness. I hate a pity look on ’em faces. This one girl came up to me with a teary eyes and hugs me when she read my blog about the break up. I gave her a weak smile and a brave nod. Truth is, I want to slap her so hard her head would turn about. I know she meant well, haha, I do appreciate it. I just hate to be pitied.
Thus, God hardly put me in a pitiful situation. I’m really thankful for that.

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