Seeing this world wide open, and all of those achievers, I feel like I was nothing to begin with, and still nothing until now. Not as a blogger, not as a student, not as a women, not as a daughter, not as a human even. My achievement until now, is nothing compare to other people around me.
I want to achieve something. So that when I look in the mirror, I will be proud of what I see. My goal is to be useful for sooo many people, the more the better (ooh so saint-like) so that I will go down in history (well, that’s more make sense, haha, I’m no saint).
And this feeling of nothingness is just exactly what I need to achieve that:) Keep me focus on my goals, keep me humble, keep me trying, keep me worshiping God for how lame I am.
I’m now deciding between two courses that I would like to take, CCNA and SAP. I have this looong analysis about why should I take one of them, and why I considered to take them both, because CCNA is actually what I’m studying right now, it’s all about network, and it can open my chance to work internationally, but the chance is small since the spaces are soo limited, and the chance will be greater if I take SAP, because it’s about management, and I’m a women, so it will probably more useful for me, bla bla bla that I have to take them both just to make sure my chance is even greater, bla bla bla it was a long explanation to my father. I was so on fire. And his reaction was like “Remember that logic is not your God. God is.” And that shut me down right in the face. Ha.
At first I think it’s funny how my father’s brain works. Well I guess it’s because he is soo old and wise, while I’m soo young and passionate. I said to him, “I have to push my effort to the limit, to the max, so that I have nothing to regret even if I end up jobless”. So it goes like this in my head: Effort – resigned to God. Just like an old saying, “Do the best, then God do the rest”.
It is not like that in my father’s genius head though (Yes he is a genius, his IQ is 170, insaneeeeee). He said, you should pray first, pray more, effort less. You should resigned to God first, be nothing, “Jadilah nol”, and then ask for it (to God). After that, then you do the effort. And this effort thingy, it’s not even need to be “to the max”. Just do enough effort. So the basic idea is, don’t you ever think that it is your hard work that make you something, it’s all God’s work. Of course, effort is the other form of praying. But the pray part should be more than the effort part.
More or less, that’s what he said. I’m sorry I can’t explain it better in English. Why am I even writing this post in English to begin with anyway? Errgh, poo. But the damage is done. Anyway, back to topic.
It sounds cheesy, right? What is all that crap, so silly. That’s what I thought when first I heard it. But it is not that silly, actually. It’s already known world-wide. Maybe you have heard of “Smart people and Lucky people”? Well, it’s just about the same, with the touch of religion. It’s funny how silly things sounds once you associate it with religion. Our sin, people, that is our sin.
So in other word, in the more modern, un-cheesy, well-known, and un-religion way of saying it, what my father trying to say is “Stop trying so hard to be smart, try harder to be lucky”. It’s just that all people know how to be smart, of course, you just put more effort to study and all that. But lucky, people never define how to be lucky. People think people just born with it. Well, it’s not. That’s what my father trying to say. Pray is the way to be lucky.
Oh it all suddenly make sense to me! And that is what I’m gonna do starting now. Put more effort to be lucky than to be smart. Is that start to make sense to you too, people?
He also said: “I am nothing to you now. I see you are now a grown up women who has her act together. I’m impress with all of your analysis. You definitely know what to do with your life. My job is to remind you to stay on the ground, to remind you of the existence of God in every aspect in your life”
I’m practically crying. I just don’t want him to know. I was so quite during that phone session. All I wanna say is that, how much I love him, that he is my Idol, that I thank him so much for being a father who always there to guide me, thank him for being such an inspiration to me. But of course I didn’t say that. That would be awkward, haha.
You see, now that I have introduce you to one of my father’s insane thought, you know why I love him so much, don’t you? He practically thought me everything I know. Haha this post is getting more and more cheesier.
So what I’m trying to say is, it’s okay to feel like you never achieve on something, as long as you keep doing something meaningful in life. Remember people, our mission is never accomplish. Not until the day we die.
P.S Is all the craps I wrote in this post even related to one another? Haha woteva.